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In learning to walk The Way of the Satisfied
Woman I thought it would be a good idea to give
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a bit of a psychology lesson in how the energies
of both femininity and masculinity work within
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each of our psyches welcome to the satisfied
woman podcast. I'm your host, Alanna Kaivalya.
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This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean
into their femininity and rediscover the power
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of their feminine gifts we take a look at what
it means to be a modern woman and how we can
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live A Satisfied life on our own terms. Visit the
hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com. As always it is a
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pleasure to be back with you on the podcast and
so far we've explored a lot of different topics
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on what it means to be a modern-day woman how to
thrive and survive in the patriarchy and how to
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navigate this current culture to our benefit and
so we can live in the most fulfilled way possible
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it's not easy and I'm certainly not trying to make
light of it but what I am trying to do is give you
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some tools tips strategies things to think about
to make it a little more elegant to navigate let's
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say I'm not sure that I can solve all of the
problems but through these podcasts through
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my book and through my online community I hope to
at least give you some resources some connection
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a place to go to learn how to lean more into
your femininity my background comes from a long
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several decades study in academics specifically
in Psychology and mythology and one of the places
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that I began this research in femininity and
by proxy masculinity was through the practice
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of psychology so in Psychology there is a lot
of talk of femininity and masculinity and I
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thought it would be helpful to break down what
that looks like in our psyche so we have a better
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understanding of how these energies are alive
within us because they are every single human
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All Humans regardless of gender regardless of
orientation have feminine and masculine energy
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within them all right we've all got both but
each of us will have one that is our primary
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polarity one that we feel more comfortable leaning
into more of the time now this doesn't mean that
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we can't navigate back and forth between them
whenever we need and certain events activities
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times in our life will require us to move into
our lesser loved polarity or our less um our less
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likely polarity but we can navigate between
both what we want to avoid however is being
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stuck in the polarity that is not our primarily
primary polarity that's where we run into trouble
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so let's unpack this a bit first I want to do a
bit of a psychology lesson and talk about what
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the psyche is in sort of broad stroke so we have a
better understanding of what is the psyche what is
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psychology working on and that way we can navigate
a little bit more cleanly what feminine and
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masculine are for us so the psyche as a general
broad Strokes rule is divided into three parts the
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what I like to think of as kind of the top part
the top layer the supraconscious that's all of our
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Collective ideas the things that we share amongst
us when we come into this life and we just somehow
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know things about our culture or our condition uh
there's a lot of things in superconsciousness that
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divide westerners from easterners this is not
hierarchical it's just differences westerners
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tend to favor individual IND idual ISM easterners
tend to favor uh group dynamics again not better
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or worse they both have their value um but just
things that connect us all Carl Young The Swiss
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psychologist would call this the collective so
this is the superconsciousness this is also where
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we tend to lean into more religious practices or
spiritual ideas the overarching uh Oneness that
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may connect us all whatever that is for you this
is definitely not a religious lesson so whatever
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you deem to be a higher power um the bigger
bigger thing out there the thing that brings
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us all together that is what exists in our super
Consciousness this is where we get inspiration
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that Divine let's say lightning bolt hit of an
idea that just comes to us we have no idea where
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it comes from that would be residing somewhere
in the superc Consciousness so this is pretty
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Universal for all of us there are some cultural
distances mostly divided just between each East
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and West um and it is where we have access to
whatever it is we believe to be greater than
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us then we have our conscious uh element of our
psyche that part of us that interacts with others
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the part of the part of me that's talking to you
right now the part of you that's listening to me
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speaking that is your conscious mind the conscious
part of your psyche this is the stuff that we know
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or really the stuff that we think we know the
conscious aspect of our psyche is our personality
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it's what we live dayt day it's the decisions that
we think we make it's the way that we interact
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with others it's our sense of humor it's our
language it's the way we put sentences together
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it's the way we talk about ourselves or our world
or our experiences it's the way that people get to
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know us and interact with us this is our conscious
mind and it is conscious for us it is what is most
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known about us and the conscious mind is actually
a very small sliver of the psyche they say I don't
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know who they are but they say in brain science
that only about 10% of our brain is really being
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used at any given time I would say that's probably
true for the psyche the psychological elements as
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well that we're really only conscious probably
of about 10% of what's happening for us every
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single moment of every single day but this is an
incredibly important part because it is how we get
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along in the world our personality is fluid it can
change I know I know we have that saying sometimes
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you can't teach Old Dogs new tricks but really you
can if you think about the entire scope of your
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life you were very likely a much different person
when you were younger or maybe a teenager than you
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were let's say in the decade of your 20s and then
perhaps the decade of your 30s saw some different
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personality changes as well people really do grow
and evolve and this growth and evolution of our
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personality exists in the conscious mind we'll go
through an experience we'll learn something maybe
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we'll read some books we'll take some classes uh
we'll discover new things and we'll fold that into
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an Ever evolving understanding of ourselves the
world our personality so this is the conscious
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mind things that we see and things that we think
we know and I'll get to that in a second uh that
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we live in everyday life and then we have the
unconscious which is quite vast psychologists
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agree and probably even people who study brain
science agree that most of what's in the brain
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or the psyche is quite unknown to us in terms
of it's difficult to study it isn't accessed in
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a conscious way but it does live within us it
does exist within us so the unconscious Realm
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of the psyche is the realm of our dreams it's
the realm of our emotions it's the realm of our
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triggers it's the realm of our inner child it's
the part of us that has been living alongside of
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us this whole time and it really feeds up to our
conscious mind what it is that we then Express or
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live or say or decide uh wisdom that I learned
a long time ago in a practice called NLP neural
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linguistic programming is that the decisions
that you think you make have actually already
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been made by your unconscious moments before and
those decisions are then effectively served up
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to the conscious mind for you to live and act
them out the unconscious is where the emotions
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live and it's where our deep triggers live the
unconscious is really codified set set in well
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I'll say Stone but everything about the psyche is
malleable they're put in place let's say set in a
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soft kind of malleable Play-Doh type Stone when
we're really young our world in our experiences
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as youngsters shape our unconscious and then
we're destined to continuously replay those as
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we grow and age even into adulthood so for example
let's say we have a young three-year-old child and
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this three-year-old child Witnesses its primary
caregivers in a fight we don't even need to know
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what the fight is about it could be over the
milk that one forgot to buy that day but the
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child sees the fight and doesn't understand what
the fight is about doesn't understand that this
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animosity between its adult caregivers is just
temporary it's not really a catastrophic thing
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but for this three-year-old let's say the first
time seeing a fight it can be scary they don't
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have the mental capacity to understand what's
going on and their little brains believe that
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they're now at risk of the caregivers potentially
not taking care of them or being unstable in some
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way and so the three-year-old reacts by leaving
this scary scene and hiding under the bed now for
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a three-year-old this is an excellent decision we
love this decision for the three-year-old it keeps
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the three-year-olds safe it removes them from the
tense uh environment they don't have to witness
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the fight they can hug the teddy bear and and this
is a great decision for a three-year-old but this
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gets locked into the unconscious and any time as
an adult this three-year-old Witnesses tension
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in its environment that has the same flavor the
same Vibe as that initial fight then that early
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reaction of hitting the eject button and hiding
under the bed will be replicated by the adult
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maybe they avoid conflict maybe they hi tail
it out of there and maybe they just check out
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of whatever conflict is happening so they don't
deal with it in their adult brain their younger
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self their inner child let's say hijacks them as
an adult and has them replay the scenario now the
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good news is when the unconscious speaks in this
way when the unconscious is triggered in this way
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and we do call it a trigger and I I love this word
trigger because if you think about a weapon or a
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firearm when you lay your finger on the trigger
it's got so much potential doesn't it it's got
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a potential to Fire and just the slightest motion
of your finger will cause that firearm to explode
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and the bullet to come out and then who knows
what the consequences are after that and just
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this little movement creates a massive reaction
and this is what the unconscious does when it's
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triggered something as innocuous as a little
squabble amongst friends can feel like that same
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thing that happened to the three-year-old and
cause a much bigger reaction than is necessary
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we know we're in our triggers when the reaction
to an event is much bigger than the event itself
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it's sometimes difficult to see this in
ourselves we we want to when we're in
0:12:06.600,0:12:13.160
an emotional and triggered State we often
don't recognize it and it often feels so
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real and potent to us that we go unconscious one
psychological term is that we flip our Lids that
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our our conscious mind our prefrontal cortex our
logical thinking just goes offline and we're such
0:12:29.360,0:12:36.880
ly in this unconscious Arena of emotions and now
it is real it is real for us but let's just say
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it's disproportionate to what's in front of us
so that's the unconscious mind it's an incredible
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important part of who we are and it really guides
Our Lives it makes the decisions before we think
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we make them it delivers our emotions it conjures
our dreams at night and it is the basis for our
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intuition it's the basis for our intuition now
this is important especially for those of us who
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identify more with the feminine energy within us
our intuition is absolutely key for navigating in
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our life all right so that's the makeup of this
pyy we have the superc Consciousness that part of
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us that connects to everything and everyone else
that part of us that connects to something greater
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whatever that is for us we have the conscious mind
that is responsible for logical thinking rational
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thinking it's really connected to our prefrontal
cortex it is our personality it's our face that we
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show to the world it's how people describe us and
interact with us and then we have the unconscious
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mind that is the reservoir of our hopes our dreams
our intuition it's who we are internally and it's
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the place that our emotions are generated from
now that we have the landscape of the psyche
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kind of under under uh with a descriptor with
an understanding let's talk about the feminine
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and the masculine so it is the modern day era and
as I talk about feminine and masculine and as you
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listen what I am not discussing in this podcast
is gender or sexuality now the reason for that
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is that every human has within them both masculine
and feminine and every human regardless of gender
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expression regardless of sexuality will have
the tendency to lean into either feminine or Mas
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masculine more often now sometimes we get stuck
in the wrong one that happens and I'll talk about
0:14:34.880,0:14:42.040
that too but no matter what body we inhabit we're
going to have a primary polarity that is either
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masculine or feminine we have people who identify
as men who also identify as being more on the
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feminine polarity we have people that identify as
women who identify more as being on the masculine
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polarity we can find any combination and iteration
on the planet it is a diverse and wonderful world
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and for each of us as individuals we want to
learn to navigate both masculine and feminine
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polarities with ease and a plum as it were so
that we can make sure that we get the best use
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of these polarities when necessary and as I said
each of us is going to have times in our lives
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that we need to pop over to the other polarity
in order to do something that that polarity does
0:15:26.040,0:15:30.600
better because each of these polarities does have
different quality qualities and these qualities
0:15:30.600,0:15:38.800
again there's no hierarchy one is not better than
the other but we do live in a patriarchal world
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so those of us who identify with the feminine
polarity have likely gotten a lot of cultural
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messaging that the feminine is weak that it is
Meek that it is less desirable that it is less
0:15:51.040,0:15:58.920
powerful none of this is true both polarities
are incredibly powerful and have a lot to offer
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in their own way but they are different and I
want us to celebrate those differences I want
0:16:06.400,0:16:12.360
us to honor and celebrate those differences
because they are precious and we possess all
0:16:12.360,0:16:21.480
of them when and if we want to so the masculine
probably unsurprisingly is known for its strength
0:16:21.480,0:16:31.400
its bravado its directiveness its logic in its
most fundamental form form the masculine energy
0:16:31.400,0:16:39.520
is Direction very pointed Direction and logic now
I know some of us listening might kind of have a
0:16:39.520,0:16:45.440
little chuckle here and think to ourselves yeah
but not all men are logical correct and not all
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men are fully in their masculine sometimes the
women are in their masculine sometimes people
0:16:50.920,0:16:57.680
of any gender can be in their masculine but the
masculine trait the highest form of masculine
0:16:57.680,0:17:04.920
energy will be Direction and logic now sometimes
it's not in its highest form sometimes it's in a
0:17:04.920,0:17:12.000
distorted form where that direction becomes Force
instead of being powerful it tries to have power
0:17:12.000,0:17:20.680
over it tries to dominate it tries to force its
will in directing those around it into its decided
0:17:20.680,0:17:28.880
path masculine decision making is incredible and
we need to make really powerful clear unilateral
0:17:28.880,0:17:36.280
Ed decisions we want that masculine energy but we
want that masculine energy to be in service of the
0:17:36.280,0:17:44.280
highest good of all when that masculine directed
decision- making becomes forceful overbearing
0:17:44.280,0:17:51.920
powerful that's when it becomes toxic when it
thinks it knows best for everyone else that's when
0:17:51.920,0:18:00.360
it is not in its power it's actually disempowering
to others so all of these energies that we have
0:18:00.360,0:18:06.320
within us have both high and low Expressions
let's say they have their their best expressions
0:18:06.320,0:18:12.560
and they have their distorted Expressions there
is no bad or good like these energies in and of
0:18:12.560,0:18:17.360
themselves are not bad or good it's really how
we use them and how we bring them forth that
0:18:17.360,0:18:25.640
makes them one or the other the feminine on the
other hand its most classic and Powerful quality
0:18:25.640,0:18:32.320
is its intuition and its connection to emotion so
when we want to really feel what's happening when
0:18:32.320,0:18:39.560
we want to tap into what's within us when we want
to have some information that goes more uh deeply
0:18:39.560,0:18:47.080
than just a plus b equals c we'll want to use that
feminine energy the feminine is also known for its
0:18:47.080,0:18:56.160
power of collaboration for its Cycles its cyclical
movement its ability to um take a lot of different
0:18:56.160,0:19:01.880
things into account the masculine will be very
directed and focused the feminine will want to
0:19:01.880,0:19:08.720
explore and and look at options and discover
different ideas and play in that space a little
0:19:08.720,0:19:17.120
bit tease it out they may want to spin around in
spiral Spiral is very feminine so these are also
0:19:17.120,0:19:24.640
incredibly good qualities when we're in a group
collaborating we want to use that cyclical energy
0:19:24.640,0:19:30.640
that spiric nature of the feminine we want to use
that feeling tone to feel what is going to be the
0:19:30.640,0:19:37.560
highest and best uh for everyone involved the
feminine loves collaboration it loves communion
0:19:37.560,0:19:44.200
it loves pleasure Joy nothing like the feminine
can run pleasure through the body and when the
0:19:44.200,0:19:50.800
feminine runs pleasure through the body everyone
around the feminine experiences and benefits from
0:19:50.800,0:19:58.280
that the feminine exists in the unconscious so
the feminine is this domain of feeling intuition
0:19:58.280,0:20:07.000
dream dreams Wonder creativity everything
that is created in human nature comes from
0:20:07.000,0:20:12.920
the feminine so those of us who lean more into
the feminine polarity in our psychic energies
0:20:12.920,0:20:19.320
we have that power of creativity and when we need
to be creative if we are usually on the masculine
0:20:19.320,0:20:26.600
polarity we'll want to slide over to the feminine
to get that creativity flowing now sometimes these
0:20:26.600,0:20:34.120
polarities cannot really exist exist at the same
time so if we want to be in that Creative Energy
0:20:34.120,0:20:41.400
we can't have direction we can't have unilateral
decisions we can't have logical thinking that's
0:20:41.400,0:20:49.720
going to stifle creativity so these polarities
exist with each other they are complete in and
0:20:49.720,0:20:58.720
of themselves but they cannot exist without the
other just like light needs dark just like up
0:20:58.720,0:21:04.680
needs down you can't have up without D down you
can't have light without dark you actually can't
0:21:04.680,0:21:15.480
have masculine without feminine so for those of
us who feel more comfortable at ease in flow when
0:21:15.480,0:21:22.560
we're tapped into our feminine nature we'll
want to stay in that polarity more often and
0:21:22.560,0:21:28.520
then use the masculine when we need it now
given that we're in a patriarchal culture
0:21:29.080,0:21:40.520
we those of us who identify as feminine often get
waylaid into being masculine more of the time too
0:21:40.520,0:21:45.320
often and we get stuck there and that's really
going to be to our detriment we're going to feel
0:21:45.320,0:21:52.360
inauthentic we're going to feel like we're wearing
a mask it's going to feel like burnout overwhelm
0:21:52.360,0:21:58.720
exhaustion we're going to lose our zest for
life we won't be able to tap into our creativity
0:21:58.720,0:22:05.240
it's going to feel like a square peg in a round
hole so for those of us that identify as feminine
0:22:05.240,0:22:11.960
it's actually harder for us to really lean into
that feminine because of the dominating culture
0:22:11.960,0:22:21.200
being more masculine masculine is more valued when
we get into a a usually a business situation those
0:22:21.200,0:22:28.520
masculine powerful unilateral decisions hold more
weight if we walk into a board room a boardroom
0:22:29.480,0:22:35.040
and we want to collaborate with others and ask
for their opinions and see if we can brainstorm
0:22:35.040,0:22:39.880
what might be the best opportunity or the best
solution moving forward for everybody that tends
0:22:39.880,0:22:46.040
to look in today's world like weakness like
we can't make decisions for ourselves when
0:22:46.040,0:22:52.880
in fact it's actually a very powerful mode of
being to be in that collaborative connective
0:22:52.880,0:22:58.440
creative feminine mentality it's just that
it's not valued today in patriarchal societ
0:22:59.800,0:23:07.160
that doesn't make it wrong it makes it an
opportunity for us who do identify more
0:23:07.160,0:23:15.400
with the feminine energy to bring that forth to
find Opportunities where we can collaborate and
0:23:15.400,0:23:21.360
commune to find places in our life where we
can lean into the creativity and bring that
0:23:21.360,0:23:27.960
forward to really learn to navigate between
both masculine and feminine energies a little
0:23:27.960,0:23:31.920
more EAS easily so that we can use it
when we need and then drop it when we
0:23:31.920,0:23:39.240
don't I take a heavy sigh here because it is
not easy I I know that I say this and I'm I'm
0:23:39.240,0:23:45.120
talking about it and I'm teaching about it but
I understand the challenges of it I have myself
0:23:45.120,0:23:52.080
lived for far too long in the masculine because
that's just really the default that happens to
0:23:52.080,0:23:56.440
be the culture at the time but it doesn't make
it right and it doesn't make it easy for us and
0:23:56.440,0:24:02.520
it doesn't make it authentic for those those
of us who identify more with the feminine the
0:24:02.520,0:24:10.480
feminine has been by the culture historically
repressed and oppressed so that means globally
0:24:10.480,0:24:15.640
anything that is feminine is seen is less
than and that also means internally that we
0:24:15.640,0:24:24.600
as feminine um beings get the messaging that it's
better to repress that that we'll have more let's
0:24:24.600,0:24:31.560
say success if we repress our feminine nature if
we take stamp down our emotions I mean what what
0:24:31.560,0:24:40.080
feminine woman hasn't been um chastised for
being too emotional what strong woman hasn't
0:24:40.080,0:24:48.360
been called a [ __ ] what emotional woman hasn't
been called crazy I mean these are just ways that
0:24:48.360,0:24:56.000
we're used to being oppressed or put down when
we express our full femininity but anytime we
0:24:56.000,0:25:03.000
repress or suppress something what happens is we
run into the hydraulic nature of the unconscious
0:25:03.000,0:25:07.920
it's like a Jack In The Box anytime we push
something down into the unconscious which is
0:25:07.920,0:25:15.960
a part of our psyche a big part of our psyche
it stirs it festers it lives there and it gets
0:25:15.960,0:25:25.240
a grip inside of us and it might toxic FY for
a while it might distort for a while so that
0:25:25.240,0:25:32.920
emotional part of us that we try to repress
becomes comes really reactive or that Meek
0:25:32.920,0:25:38.680
side of us that we try to repress becomes really
bold and overbearing in some ways it almost has
0:25:38.680,0:25:46.600
an opposite reaction now no matter what polarity
you exist on anything you repress is going to have
0:25:46.600,0:25:53.960
this reaction this is quite literally what keeps
psychologists in business so the feminine having
0:25:53.960,0:25:58.240
been repressed for way too long especially for
those of us that identify primarily as feminine
0:25:59.720,0:26:05.520
it means that we're not accepting ourselves
completely as we are we feel a sense of
0:26:05.520,0:26:14.360
inauthenticity and that's going to great on our
souls this is why I'm doing this work right now
0:26:14.360,0:26:21.240
because it's time we live in a day and an age
where it's time to let the Jack out of the box
0:26:21.240,0:26:29.320
it's time to let our feminine nature free it's
time to reclaim the powerful be beautiful aspects
0:26:29.320,0:26:37.600
of our femininity and femininity is powerful but
it's not powerful like masculinity again let's
0:26:37.600,0:26:44.080
respect and honor our differences masculinity has
power in a different way masculinity has logic has
0:26:44.080,0:26:50.920
Direction has providership has protection
on its side and when it exercises that in
0:26:50.920,0:26:58.240
its highest it is beautiful femininity
has Joy pleasure receptivity creativity
0:26:58.840,0:27:07.080
emotions intuition on her side and when those are
fully lived and expressed they are also powerful
0:27:07.080,0:27:17.360
and beautiful now I have a PhD in mythology it's
very cool I love my myths and what I am able to
0:27:17.360,0:27:26.440
glean from myths are so many examples of powerful
feminine figures we don't have them so much in our
0:27:26.440,0:27:32.840
Western mythology Western mythy again because it
developed in a patriarchal setting really reveres
0:27:32.840,0:27:41.000
the more masculine elements of myth but that's not
always the case and if we look to deep history and
0:27:41.000,0:27:49.000
look to our Greek mythology which we love not only
do we have the god uh Aries or Mars same Greek and
0:27:49.000,0:27:57.560
Roman God of War we have its feminine counterpart
palis Athena so whereas Aries or Mars the God of
0:27:57.560,0:28:05.240
War will will use his bravado and might with all
of the armies behind him to just March and lay
0:28:05.240,0:28:13.520
waste in terms of War palesa does things a little
differently now there there is a time in place for
0:28:13.520,0:28:19.400
Mars and Aries We There is time and place for
that but it's not every time and place and the
0:28:19.400,0:28:28.120
way that Palace Athena engages in her um in her
Wars through strategy she thinks about things
0:28:28.640,0:28:34.000
she really is calculated in her Maneuvers and
she might even use some subversion she might
0:28:34.000,0:28:40.320
use some quieter tactics she might engage in
diplomacy pallas Athena has a bow and arrow
0:28:40.320,0:28:45.760
she's incredibly calculated and targeted with how
she does things she's going to sit back in her war
0:28:45.760,0:28:52.400
room and strategize with all the little pieces on
the board before she even makes a move that's the
0:28:52.400,0:29:00.040
feminine protecting what it loves and that's what
the feminine does they protects what it loves the
0:29:00.040,0:29:07.800
masculine protects what it owns what it sees
is the masculines now again the protection is
0:29:07.800,0:29:16.320
masculine the feminine nourishes what it loves
so we have these both can go to war both are
0:29:16.320,0:29:22.160
incredibly powerful when it's time to fight for
what we believe in and what we love but they'll
0:29:22.160,0:29:28.040
do it in different ways so what I want to end
with on this psychology lesson for this podcast
0:29:29.080,0:29:34.880
is that there are differences between masculine
and feminine one is not better than the other
0:29:34.880,0:29:44.160
both are within us and one will be our primary
energy both are powerful and they are different
0:29:44.160,0:29:49.280
let's lean into those differences let's start
celebrating those let's bring forth more fully
0:29:49.280,0:29:57.320
what is within us so we can be most authentically
who we are and for those that identify as feminine
0:29:57.320,0:30:02.600
it's time to walk that path of the way of
the satisfied woman so for more information
0:30:02.600,0:30:07.680
on that for more lessons on how to walk the way
of the satisfied woman please visit my website:
0:30:07.680,0:30:16.280
thesatisfiedwoman.com where you'll find a
community and resources designed just for you
