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Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm
your host, Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast
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is dedicated to helping women lean into their
femininity and rediscover the power of their
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feminine gifts we take a look at what it
means to be a modern woman and how we can
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live A Satisfied life on our own terms
visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com.
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so this is podcast number three on this show and
I'm so excited to be back I've been podcasting
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for a long time and I cannot wait to bring the
wisdom of satisfaction to you my fine fellow lady
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throughout these podcasts with all the topics that
we'll cover if you missed episodes one and two
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make sure you go back and listen the first episode
covers a little bit more about me and the work
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that I'm doing now and the second episode talks a
little bit about what it means to be a satisfied
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woman and perhaps most importantly we Define what
satisfaction is on this episode I wanted to bring
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you just a brief overview of the feminine polarity
what is the feminine and it is brief because as
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you can imagine the feminine is vast and there's a
lot to talk about in fact it's going to fill this
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entire podcast and every show we discuss but I
wanted to just give us a bit of a Baseline and you
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a bit of an understanding of the feminine polarity
and also a really simple tool to help make sure
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that you're on the feminine polarity in fact when
I bring this tool to you it might surprise you um
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I know that when I ask this of my friends they are
fascinated by the response so we'll get to that
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it's like a little bit of a cliffhanger now with
the show The Feminine polarity is an energy it's
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a psychologic iCal energy it's an element of the
psyche now my background is psychology so that's
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generally how I think of these things femininity
is an energy it is not a gender that's probably
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one of the biggest things I have to help people
understand with this work that femininity isn't
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always attached to being a woman and we we live
in the modern world we understand that there's a
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lot of gender fluidity there's different ways
that people identify there's different sexual
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ident identities everything is okay Under the Sun
absolutely everything is okay Under the Sun any
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way that you express yourself identify yourself
it's all good this particular podcast and the work
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that I do speaks to those who are on the feminine
polarity and in particular inhabit a female body
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doesn't make any other expression wrong different
bad devalued hierarchical none of that it's
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just that that happens to be the body and the
expression that I have and those happen to be the
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kind of people that I am best equipped to speak
to and work with because that's my biggest set of
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experience so that said femininity is an energy
particularly a psychic or psychological energy
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it's not a gender every human being under the sun
all of us has both masculine and feminine energies
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within the psyche these are the polarities our
whole universe exists in polarity we have light
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and dark we have the Sun and the Moon we have the
outside we have the inside we have positive and
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negative and that's not a a value judgment that's
literally like the magnetic poles everything
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exists in opposition and it exists an opposition
in the psyche too we have the conscious the
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unconscious we have the masculine and The Feminine
Swiss psychologist Carl Young identified this long
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ago as he was devel V oping his own psychological
ideals or uh theories in terms of his own depth
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psychology he did an incredible job of mapping
out the unconscious giving us language to the
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unconscious helping us understand the nature of
dreams and myth and he also in his work identified
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that every person has an oppositional polarity
operating within the psych for men he called
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that oppositional polarity or the feminine the
animal and for women he called that oppositional
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polarity or the masculine the Animus now Carl
Young did an amazing job laying the foundations
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for this work and we are here a hundred years
later understanding that all of us has both in
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the psyche and there are many different ways that
people Express themselves so every human has both
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masculine and feminine within them we might
express ourselves most fully on one polarity
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but we still have the other polarity operating
within us as Carl Young would suggest you've got
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the opposition within you urning to be expressed
or acknowledged in some way and when we don't
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express or acknowledge it we run into problems and
that's where we work in uh therapy and psychology
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and different Retreats and training and Shadow
work and whatever it is that we might do to
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start to unpack and uncover the Deep layers of the
unconscious and the psyche as humans as we operate
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in the world we may pull forward one or the other
polarity depending on what we need so even as a
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feminine woman during the day there may be times
that we have to express the masculine perhaps when
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we're driving down the freeway we've got to
change lanes really quickly and it's a really
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focused and directed experience the feminine is
not going to help us with that the masculine is
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if we find ourselves in a the boardroom at the
head of a table with all of the faces looking up
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at us being called to lead to guide and to make a
decision the masculine is going to help us to do
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that even for us feminine women in female bodies
we're going to have access to both polarities and
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all of us as humans can switch back and forth at
any time when it's needed the challenge becomes
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when any one of us gets stuck in one polarity for
too long or if we express either of the polarities
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in an unhealthy or a distorted way so that's what
my work helps us to do is to express our natural
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polarity primarily for those of us that are
feminine women most fully and most healthfully and
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to tease out the distortions of these polarities
so that we can express them in the best and most
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healthy way possible for those of us that identify
as feminine women we understand living in this
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modern time that we have been surrounded by we
have grown up in a patriarchal culture it is what
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it is I'm not here to vilify it it is the culture
um and it definitely comes with its challenges and
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the patriarchal culture has worked for a very
long time at distorting and devaluing both the
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masculine and The Feminine if you've heard of this
term toxic masculinity that might ring for you as
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one way these polarities get distorted anytime we
hear a a healthy Brave woman who speaks out being
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called crazy that's a distortion and an oppression
or a vilification of the feminine so there's a lot
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of misunderstanding there's a lot of negativity on
both sides for both polarities and we will all all
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of us in any body with any expression we will
all Thrive if we understand the polarities and
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we express them in the healthiest most vibrant way
possible both polarities are valid both polarities
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are good both polarities have their strengths
both polarities are uh essential one cannot
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exist without the other so no one is completely
masculine and no one is completely feminine but
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each one of us will have a dominant polarity we
will have a primary polarity one that we want to
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relax or lean into more of the time again calling
up either one when we need it but one that we want
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to relax and lean into more of the time the time
and place that most of us will relax and lean
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into a primar primary polarity is going to be an
intimate relationship it just happens to be in an
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environment with another human being who is who
exists on the opposite polarity and it gives us
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the space to to kind of almost Outsource the one
that isn't our primary so for those of us who are
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feminine women we will want to be an intimate
relationship with another human who identifies
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primarily as the masculine and it's almost like
giving us permission or a space to take our own
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masculine energy that we have to use a lot in this
in this day and age in this in this patriarchy in
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this world the world is masculine around us the
culture is masculine it values the masculine
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it's pulled that forward and up and distorted it a
bit when we get to Outsource that to our intimate
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partner we can relax into the feminine now I'm
not saying that's not true for the masculine
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maybe they feel the same but I think for those of
us on the feminine polarity we are at a detriment
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in the patriarchy in this culture where the terms
of the culture are on masculine terms the measures
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of success are on masculine terms the measures of
okayness rightness uh pretty much everything have
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been determined by the masculine For Better or For
Worse it is what it is when we live in that kind
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of culture that values and props set up being
powerfully feminine is often questioned phif
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diminished uh even by women and and and I I say
that with um full ownership I have done that as
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well in my past and part of the work that I do
here with you is to make sure that we identify
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when that's happening and to no longer do
that femininity is incredibly powerful okay
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power is uh inherent in both polarities power
is not just a masculine trait feminine is not
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weak it's not it's not Meek or mild and The
Feminine is certainly not quiet so things that
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we have been taught um as feminine women I know
that when I grew up even still which is not that
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long ago I mean um we won't reveal how old I am in
this podcast I guess but um you know in my history
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so in in one or two generations ago even I was
still being taught that little girls are meant to
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be seen and not heard that little girls are only
pretty when they smile that little girls should uh
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you know Delight others that they should be happy
all the time um that little girls should be soft
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um little girls are not always those things
and in fact the feminine is not those things
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the feminine is wild the feminine is expressive
the feminine is loud and there is power in that
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wildness and that expressiveness and that loudness
perhaps the most important qualities of feminine
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you know and The Feminine has a lot of qualities
the feminine is creative as well as procreative
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the feminine is um sensual the feminine is uh
musical lyrical the feminine is always in motion
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the feminine exists in Cycles right the feminine
has lots of qualities the most important qualities
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the most valuable if we could place a hierarchy
and I I can't stand hierarchy so I can't even
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believe I'm doing it right now on this podcast
but if we can place a value if we have if you
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forced me if you said Al Lana you have to pick the
two most valuable qualities what I would say hands
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down the things that really are the foundation
of the feminine are intuition and emotion now
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in terms of the psyche where feminine energy lives
intuition and emotion are in the unconscious they
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are in the unconscious Realm of the psyche the
masculine greatest traits are logic and reason
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reason are the rules by which logic is made
to work okay logic is a kind of thinking and
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reason is like the rules the parameters we reason
through things those are powerful qualities as
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well logic and reason exist in the conscious mind
so we have three elements three really powerful
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and prominent parts of the psyche we have the
conscious mind which is logic and reason we
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have the unconscious mind which is intuition and
emotion and then we have the supraconscious mind
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which is all of the things that you and I have
access to but aren't necessarily intrinsically
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part of who we are so the collective Consciousness
for example or for those of us who participate in
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any kind of spiritual or religious practice that
numinous quality of connection to others or the
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universe that's the superconscious and that does
connect us all that is in there somewhere when we
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become inspired by something when we get like an
inspirational hit we're all getting that from the
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Supra Consciousness that we have access to as part
of our psyche but the part of our psyche that is
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ours our own that isn't a part of anyone else's
experience necessarily are the conscious and
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the unconscious the unconscious mind is what we
don't have access to consciously but interestingly
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enough it dominates our life um and it is the
feminine it is the feminine it's the feminine
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part of us and if we think of if we can like if
we can uh anthropomorphise that for a moment if
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we can take the unconscious and the conscious and
make them into Say cartoon characters I think of
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the unconscious is that woman that just won't be
ignored she just won't be ignored and perhaps in
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our lives we've all known that woman the the woman
who others might call pushy well thank goodness
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she was pushy because she created change or that
woman who was nagging us and we thought it was
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nagging because we weren't ready for that message
we weren't ready for that change it got us out of
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our comfort zone but once we finally Listen to
Everybody actually benefited the unconscious
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for us speaks to us in our dreams through our
emotions through our intuition and also through
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our triggered events our triggered moments anytime
that we have a triggered emotion when we become
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really activated emotionally even for a small
thing that's the unconscious speaking to us and
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it needs to be addressed a lot of our shadow work
a lot of the work of therapy um and psychologists
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and psychology is working with the unconscious
it's addressing that deep need within us for what
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is good and right and true according to our own uh
Soul our own heart our own insides nothing is more
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responsible for that than the feminine this is the
feminine domain the feminine exists in this space
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in this incredible fertile and yet dark ground you
know I remember um you know my mother said this
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and I'm sure perhaps your mother may have said
this too this is like a thing that moms say I
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brought you into this world and I can take you out
it's a little aggressive I will admit and I think
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most moms don't actually mean that literally when
they say it but you're getting in trouble and she
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wants you to know it she say I brought you into
this world I can take you out Shakespeare even
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knew that the feminine the domain of the woman is
both the womb and the tomb the feminine is able
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to to give life and also to recreate procreate
or regenerate life through death the feminine
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is unafraid of the things it Harbors these things
happily and comfortably as long as they are tended
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to and heard it's when the feminine is repressed
or ignored that we start to run into problems
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everybody and I mean everybody because remember
everyone's unconscious is filled with these
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qualities everyone has both feminine and masculine
it just depends on what you're going to express
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more naturally or what you're going to express
through more fully those of us who identify more
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primarily with the feminine we have great access
to these qualities of intuition and emotion it
0:17:36.760,0:17:43.760
is our primary decision-making Force whereas for
those who identify as the masculine their primary
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decision-making force will be logic and reason
and that's a problem when they don't check it
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against their emotions and intuition and for the
primary feminine emotions and intuition can cause
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some Havoc if it's not checked against logic and
reason healthy adults of either polarity use both
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it's just which comes first which is the driving
primary force intuition and emotion is a powerful
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driving primary force and it has unfortunately
been incredibly repressed incredibly distorted
0:18:20.760,0:18:28.760
and Incredibly vilified throughout history I
don't know a woman who even in this day and age
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when expressing emotion and intuition in her life
in a place or a circumstance that is unsafe hasn't
0:18:36.320,0:18:44.840
been called crazy it's like the first thing that
is brought out of the um harmful toolkit by the
0:18:44.840,0:18:51.880
distorted masculine or the patriarchy to hurt and
suppress and oppress the feminine it's crazy it's
0:18:51.880,0:19:00.280
actually not crazy it's the most valuable tool
that the feminine has for determining what is safe
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what is comfortable what is right and also for
being the Catalyst to change the feminine exists
0:19:07.680,0:19:15.840
in change think of the bodies of feminine women
now it is true that most often again not always
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right because we live in we live in the future now
we know that every expression of gender identity
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and polarity is fine but most often those of us
born in female bodies are going to to be on the
0:19:29.400,0:19:38.160
primarily feminine polarity just most often and
that has a lot to do with our biology we are in
0:19:38.160,0:19:46.120
bodies that are able to quite literally generate
life we are in bodies that change constantly that
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are dominated by hormonal fluctuations every month
and also throughout our lives that male bodies
0:19:54.160,0:20:00.360
just don't have they just don't have them women's
bodies are dominant by change they're dominated
0:20:00.360,0:20:07.440
by Life Energy we feel this every single time uh
that we have a menstrual cycle every single month
0:20:07.440,0:20:12.640
it is the opportunity to create life and then
if we don't that life potential Fades away and
0:20:12.640,0:20:20.440
bleeds from us we have to contend with that every
single month there's a a constant force of nature
0:20:20.440,0:20:29.480
that is inbuilt and ingrained and influencing
our psychology all of the time we must be friends
0:20:29.480,0:20:35.160
with change because it is who we are so when we
feel that sense of discomfort like things aren't
0:20:35.160,0:20:42.800
quite right it's not that we are um trying to
cause trouble and it's not that we're crazy it's
0:20:42.800,0:20:49.440
that that sense of discomfort arises within the
feminine always first in order to course correct
0:20:49.440,0:20:55.400
in order to create change things wouldn't change
if it weren't for the feminine for the masculine
0:20:55.400,0:21:02.720
the status quo that straight line is fine there's
no reason to change it if it ain't broke don't fix
0:21:02.720,0:21:10.320
it um there's no fluctuation for the masculine
and think of the biology of a masculine body or
0:21:10.320,0:21:16.560
a man's body there isn't a hormonal fluctuation
every month there isn't um you know a menstrual
0:21:16.560,0:21:22.840
cycle that begins in early adolescence and then
you know the potential for having life be born of
0:21:22.840,0:21:29.360
the body and then a menopausal State it's just you
know they hit puberty and then they live in that
0:21:29.360,0:21:36.120
state until they don't so there is a constant sort
of sense of linear direction for the masculine and
0:21:36.120,0:21:41.280
that's incredibly powerful and important if we
are trying to get to a destination when we want
0:21:41.280,0:21:45.440
to get to a destination when we want to go from
point A to point B there's nothing better than
0:21:45.440,0:21:51.760
the masculine that help us get there the feminine
wants to go in circles it is cyclical it wants to
0:21:51.760,0:21:57.760
spin around it wants to change Pathways it wants
to go down a different Road um not that we can't
0:21:57.760,0:22:05.080
go forward we have that masculine energy to go
forward and to get things done of course but
0:22:05.080,0:22:14.080
one is not correct both in conjunction working
together are what create what is most right good
0:22:14.080,0:22:19.560
and true for everyone so that one linear Direction
the masculine doesn't want to stray from sometimes
0:22:19.560,0:22:24.400
needs to be nudged and it's the feminine that will
nudge it it's the feminine that will poke and say
0:22:24.400,0:22:29.080
hey look I don't think this is right this doesn't
feel good we need to go and slightly different
0:22:29.080,0:22:34.120
direction we need to course correct here we need
to change I'm uncomfortable it will come from
0:22:34.120,0:22:39.040
the intuition And the emotions of the feminine
that's what will prompt the course correction
0:22:39.040,0:22:45.440
and the change and it might feel annoying to
the uninitiated or uneducated masculine and
0:22:45.440,0:22:50.960
what I would like to do as a part of all the work
that I do here on the podcast and through my book
0:22:50.960,0:22:56.840
The Way of the satisfied woman is to normalize
this and not just normalize it but to elevate
0:22:56.840,0:23:04.600
it that this is is the first sign kind of like the
canary and the coal mine that things need to shift
0:23:04.600,0:23:11.920
there's nothing more powerful than a woman's
intuition which turns into a woman's inquiry
0:23:11.920,0:23:18.760
no one questions like the feminine the feminine
brings up questions why why why the masculine
0:23:18.760,0:23:26.920
says because because because feminine says when
when when the masculine says but how how how so
0:23:26.920,0:23:32.880
we're governed by time we want want to know when
we don't have time to waste we have very specific
0:23:32.880,0:23:39.280
timelines in our bodies that things need to happen
on masculine men don't have that they can do they
0:23:39.280,0:23:45.200
can put things off they can stretch things out
women have to do things now we want things now we
0:23:45.200,0:23:50.480
we we always demand now and we always demand more
but that's what's right for us that's what's true
0:23:50.480,0:23:58.600
for us and you know that's what makes things
happen we make change we create inquiry we we
0:23:58.600,0:24:05.200
we brainstorm we find new ways of generating more
life in an area where there is not enough life
0:24:05.200,0:24:12.520
being supported if it weren't for the feminine
things would not flourish the feminine is
0:24:12.520,0:24:19.680
nourishing and it is flourishing it's where life
energy is inbuilt and ingrained and it is where
0:24:19.680,0:24:26.520
pleasure is derived it's through the feminine and
everyone else benefits from that it is a beautiful
0:24:26.520,0:24:31.440
gift of the feminine to the world when is feeling
that life energy that source of pleasure that
0:24:31.440,0:24:38.600
source of creativity and or proc creativity that's
what's inbuilt in the feminine woman's body that's
0:24:38.600,0:24:44.880
what's in our psyche that's what drives us again
we have lots of qualities but if we focus on the
0:24:44.880,0:24:50.800
intuition and the emotion if we understand that
the unconscious is our domain that our dreams
0:24:50.800,0:24:58.720
are what create the reality of our futures that's
the power of the feminine when it's misunderstood
0:24:58.720,0:25:10.040
it's oppressed when it when it questions the
status quo it's shoved to the side or silenced
0:25:10.040,0:25:15.280
that's what the distorted masculine does the
healthy masculine honors it healthy masculine
0:25:15.280,0:25:21.840
listens the healthy masculine understands
its own limitations of that logic linear
0:25:21.840,0:25:28.480
thinking and knows it needs that cyclical
wave likee push from the feminine to really
0:25:28.480,0:25:34.160
make things happen so really get to the most
optimized Finish Line that they could possibly
0:25:34.160,0:25:39.600
want to get to Meanwhile the feminine is Basking
in its creativity and its life energy and its
0:25:39.600,0:25:47.480
pleasure and its joy and again this exists in all
of us but for us feminine women it exists in us
0:25:47.480,0:25:55.960
most fully and it's time for us to find spaces and
create places and environments and relationships
0:25:55.960,0:26:04.680
that Center this as the most valuable gift
of being a woman intuition and emotion and
0:26:04.680,0:26:11.680
its healthiest expression that internal Compass
coming forth the unconscious speaking out from us
0:26:11.680,0:26:18.000
that these psychic energies have value the most
value to create the kind of future and the kind
0:26:18.000,0:26:26.360
of world that makes everyone safe and fosters
everyone's joy and goodness so again this is
0:26:26.360,0:26:30.880
a topic that we will continue to unfold and work
with throughout the podcast but I wanted to give
0:26:30.880,0:26:36.120
us a bit of a context a psychological context for
what the feminine is so that we can continue to
0:26:36.120,0:26:42.520
move forward on our journey together as we learn
to walk the way of this satisfied woman I thank
0:26:42.520,0:26:49.960
you for being on this path with me and I look
forward to speaking to you on the next podcast
